CHANGE

come
help
a
nigga
get
elected

the jokes write themselves

"yeah, I can't come in today because I had too much zest early this morning."

never mind the wig or the fact he look like max from living single w/o the dreds but...

is that a motha fuckin tinkerbell poster in the background?




i say

story of the day

34-year-old teresa says her 14-year-old daughter, rayletha, is trying to have a baby.

rayletha says she may only be 14 years old, but she knows everything there is about taking care of a baby.

so what if she had sex in her mother’s bed, without a condom? how else is she supposed to make her baby?

rayletha says after she has her baby, her mom will take care of it.

she has all her baby names picked out: samaria, janarious, zakelas… and courvoisier.

rayletha says all she needs to take care of a baby is two cans of formula.

she kindly suggests that her mom, teresa, should quit telling her to stop trying to have a baby, or she’ll get another black eye.

THE END

i need a hoody hood nigga

i often talk about the type of men i want. he has to be really smart, well educated, professional and highly motivated. he needs to be a little bit boughie … and have a highly respectable career. lawyers and business men usually rank high on this list. this is the “extreme” version … but i often talk about my search for a black male professional similar to myself.

but … sometimes … every once in awhile … i yearn for a hood nigga.

i don’t mean someone who just grew up in a rough area … or just someone who had a hard knock life … i mean an all out, die for his turf, didn’t finish high school, wants to start his own rap label, drug dealer … hood nigga. one that embodies every negative stereotype associated with my people.

i’ve told this to my female friend … it’s the quickest way i know to make them shudder.

i’ve told a couple of my male friends about this desire … they just remind me to make sure I bring my own condom.

i don’t even have enough hood in me anymore to relate to this person … and he might not be able to indulge my fetish for intelligence … but there are a few things that make this mythical creature a fantasy of mine:

--he would cut someone for me

nice to know i got a guy who is ready to fight any dude whose ass needs cutting.

--olive garden is impressive

he can get his them all you can eat breadsticks and will be throuroughly impressed by the free wine he’ll get while waiting for the table.

--constant ego stroke

a girl could get used to hearing “you're so smart” or “you speak so good” all the time.

--he’ll be a freak

i don’t know why … but I’m convinced that hood niggas do all the kinds of stuff that is beneath their “professional” brothers.



so that’s it … the desire comes along every once in awhile.

and please forgive this fit of ignorance … lol. don’t get all offended on me either … i'm totally kidding

NO-M-G

dude. get over yourself.

you sound like an idiot.
(surprised?)


one hottboy pass left curtis,
three strikes and i'm not having your gorilla babies anymore

you already lost one for your bitchassness being at a level orange


get it together

wait for eeeeeeeeeet......

it was all a dream......

in the past two hours i saw.......

a pack of tranies who thought i was "fierce"

a blind guy and his seeing eye dog working out at the gym
(but for some reason i swear he was staring at me)

THIS in the locker room




a dude STEALING food from ralphs

then some guy almost ran me over in the parking lot and had the audacity to get out and curse me out


all ina day's work
phew!
home run

wtf t-pain?????

why the hell are we moving to wis-can-sin?

aspen??

toronto???

costa rica????

and why do we have to change our last names?

what are you hiding?
who are you running from?

is this the witness protection program?

i didn't sign up for this

there's a divverence between "taking it there"

and "taking it too far"


just a thought: next time, perhaps you should avoid using a dead child to hawk your product.

take it back tuesday!

i love tuesdays

(and yeah dude, i find it funny.
hilarious in fact)

if i were a boy

i'd....

overuse the expressions "no homo" and "that's what she said"

masturbate

go to a strip club to actually enjoy it

pretend i care

masturbate

shave my balls

not shave my legs

teabag

jerk off

tell girls i don't like to "suck my dick" and laugh as they actually do it.

never wear a shirt

start shit at family restaurants

wank off

send my girl self flowers (she deserves them)

punch boy beyonce in the nose

masturbate

become gay

oh, and this

alright son, just give me those hams

Mr. Burns: "I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children."

don't drink and drive

drink BEFORE you drive

grumpy

i think it's about time that we remove all of the warning labels off everything and let nature take it's course.

no, no, really, i mean it. call it Natural Selection. or maybe Natural De-Selection is more apropos. either way, just put stuff out there and let it go. the idiot population would drop instantly. lawyers would have to drop idiotic lawsuits. the human race - or at least America - would instantly be much stronger, if smaller. i think gardeners call it pruning.

feh.

i wish i was as good as

chocolate milk

...but there's not much i can do about that

crush of the week

hot cop

pot

pot?

hot cop

hott cop!!

pot

POT!!!!!!!!!!!!


POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

straight to the point

"not your teeth, but your mouth"-e.m.

sunday's sing-a-long

monday's hangover





homie over hoes, homies over hoes, homies over hoes. hoimes over hoes
do the homie
do the homie
do the homie
do the homie
you'll never catch the lish rollin' wit no bitch
cause bitches ain't shit
that's why my crew is thick
?????(riley's talking)
nigga we hatin' on them hoes like we hate the feds
bitch can't you see?
fall back away from me
me and my niggas bump chests in the v.i.p.
now bump it to the left
now bump it to the right
cause when you do the homie nigga got to do it right
homie over hoes, homies over hoes, homies over hoes. hoimes over hoes
do the homie
do the homie
do the homie
do the homie
cause bitches be trouble
be havin' niggas beefin'
you trickin' on that hoe, and yo niggas ain't eatin'
she pushin' your whip
spendin' all yo cash
yo homie got shot up
while you was in that ass
homie over hoes, homies over hoes, homies over hoes. hoimes over hoes
do the homie
do the homie
do the homie
do the homie

why in God's good name?

what is God's good name?

there's a better one?

fun fact!!!!!!!

in Bakersfield, California, anyone having intercourse with Satan must use a condom.

true

all emo and shet

gotta admit i got a little teary eyed.

i miss yoooooooooooooooooou




but, in reality, i hate autobiographies about musicians


wait. no.

i looooooooooove this one




hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. we'll see

the future