if i were a boy

i'd....

overuse the expressions "no homo" and "that's what she said"

masturbate

go to a strip club to actually enjoy it

pretend i care

masturbate

shave my balls

not shave my legs

teabag

jerk off

tell girls i don't like to "suck my dick" and laugh as they actually do it.

never wear a shirt

start shit at family restaurants

wank off

send my girl self flowers (she deserves them)

punch boy beyonce in the nose

masturbate

become gay

oh, and this