dev jop's day off

after a stressful rollercoaster ofa week, i took a little day off to let off some steam. but i'm soooo high strung right now the ants in my pants had me seriously restless. so instead of just sitting here i...............


got up in the morning and went online before getting my caffeine fix

asked to borrow someone's pencil. then broke it in half

went into 'christian chat' and typed 'jesus sux!' then made my escape

went to the movies, sat in the third row wearing an extremely tall hat

talked on the phone with the same person i was sending an instant message to

pushed every button on the elevator when it was full. then laughed hysterically

stood silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off

called the psychic hotline from my cell phone and asked if they knew what floor i was on

ended my sentences with.....three or more periods.......

tried to hold up a gas station with a squirt gun

told mr officer i couldn't reach my license unless he held my beer

went into 'teenage depression' message boards, and told everybody what a great day i was having

ordered caviar at mcdonald's

ask people outside the door if they know where the local mcdonald's is

demanded to speak with that ronald mcdonald

got banned from mcdonald's as a result

told everyone that i'm related to the president

got fed up using the internet and tested what happens when you put a magnet next to the computer



phew! i think i deserve another miller

she dont put out, let her have hell

To the Girl I met at the bar last night (west)

Reply to: pers-855738396@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-26, 3:30AM EDT



Hey tanned, tall blonde, aka future skin cancer victim, it's the 'asshole' (your words) who you spent time with last night.

I have a reason for cumming on your face, taking a dump in your bathroom, and then stealing your alcohol.

First, your vagina smells horrible. Get that checked, seriously, they have solutions for that. I woke up with morning wood, and was toying with the idea of waking you up for some play, but then I vaguely remembered how bad my fingers smelled, and decided to just take care of myself. It's customary for a guy to give a girl breakfast after spending the night, and that was yours. Which leads me to the next thing.

I took that dump on your bathroom floor because I knew it was going to be a huge one, possibly almost record setting, and I didn't want to clog your toilet. Plus, I wasn't sure how freaky you are, and thought you might enjoy a nice, high-fiber log as part of your breakfast, in addition to your protein-filled appetizer.

Lastly, I didn't STEAL all of your alcohol, we DRANK the Patron last night. Hell, you were drinking 3 shots for every 1 I took. You should thank me for not letting you get alcohol poisoning. God damn. I haven't seen a girl drink that much tequila since that time I got crabs in Tijuana. I took your 12 pack of Natty Ice because I felt you were going to abuse it in the future, and wanted to prevent you from ending up in the emergency room with a tube down in your stomach.

Looking back, I think I enjoyed my self a lot more alone, with your unconscious body, than I could have with you being active. I got my rocks off while providing you with breakfast, took a nice healthy dump without clogging your toilet, while leaving you a hearty meal on your bathroom floor. Then I was worried about your little alcohol problem, so I prevented you from having another bad night and possibly a trip to the hospital, while getting some ammo for my next night out on the town.

In the end, your morning definitely could have been a lot worse, and my night could have been a lot better.