she dont put out, let her have hell

To the Girl I met at the bar last night (west)

Reply to: pers-855738396@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-26, 3:30AM EDT



Hey tanned, tall blonde, aka future skin cancer victim, it's the 'asshole' (your words) who you spent time with last night.

I have a reason for cumming on your face, taking a dump in your bathroom, and then stealing your alcohol.

First, your vagina smells horrible. Get that checked, seriously, they have solutions for that. I woke up with morning wood, and was toying with the idea of waking you up for some play, but then I vaguely remembered how bad my fingers smelled, and decided to just take care of myself. It's customary for a guy to give a girl breakfast after spending the night, and that was yours. Which leads me to the next thing.

I took that dump on your bathroom floor because I knew it was going to be a huge one, possibly almost record setting, and I didn't want to clog your toilet. Plus, I wasn't sure how freaky you are, and thought you might enjoy a nice, high-fiber log as part of your breakfast, in addition to your protein-filled appetizer.

Lastly, I didn't STEAL all of your alcohol, we DRANK the Patron last night. Hell, you were drinking 3 shots for every 1 I took. You should thank me for not letting you get alcohol poisoning. God damn. I haven't seen a girl drink that much tequila since that time I got crabs in Tijuana. I took your 12 pack of Natty Ice because I felt you were going to abuse it in the future, and wanted to prevent you from ending up in the emergency room with a tube down in your stomach.

Looking back, I think I enjoyed my self a lot more alone, with your unconscious body, than I could have with you being active. I got my rocks off while providing you with breakfast, took a nice healthy dump without clogging your toilet, while leaving you a hearty meal on your bathroom floor. Then I was worried about your little alcohol problem, so I prevented you from having another bad night and possibly a trip to the hospital, while getting some ammo for my next night out on the town.

In the end, your morning definitely could have been a lot worse, and my night could have been a lot better.